It seems to be a popular idea I keep thinking that I'm reacting the wrong way for the wrong reasons. It's very strange, I think back about how I've been acting and for the life of me I cannot comprehend why exactly I acted the way I did. Yet at the time I'm pretty sure I felt justified for being that way. This is a big problem for me, always second guessing things that happen in my life. I wish I didn't, and every time I do, I try very hard to push it out of my mind. Maybe that'll change soon thanks to the wonder of modern medicine *sigh*. It really bothers me that I might hafta take some drug that affects my brain.
I often worry that my irrational mood swings are being harmful. Not to me (actually they prolly are), but to other people...my mate and even to some extent friends I care about. Sometimes, no often I just want to know exactly why I act the way I do. Maybe I just have really bad people skills. Maybe I never learned how to react well. Maybe I never learned how to trust some, yeah that's probably it. It occurs to me now, that the way I lived my life for the last 10 years (minus since Muke) I never had to trust, nor did, nor put myself in a position where I had to. I lived a life alone away from people, not getting close to anyone. Oh yeah one more Maybe it's because I don't let myself get too close to people. It was about a year ago, in november when some yote narfed in my direction. Then Muke later on and I realized it felt really good to love someone and to be loved. Every day I feel so lucky... Sheesh I'm just going off on tangents everywhere. I guess that's kinda how my brain works.
So, hmm, that's rambling done with. We, Muke, Shade, and I went to go see National Treasure yesterday. I had fun, I thought it was a fun movie and I was entertained, even tho we had to sit in the second row. That's one thing that I really get upset about, but you know, I shouldn't except my back was sore. We tried to get a certain wolf to go along, but lately he seems to be very down and shut us out. I know Muke worries a lot, I worry too. I don't exactly know what to do tho, maybe he just needs some space.
Time is racing toward Thanksgiving, a time I'm dreading, but I doubt it'll be as bad as I'm expecting. doom. :p