Arik (ariklion) wrote,

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Time for the weekly entry...

or so it seems to be a routine I've gotten in. There have been many things coming up in my mind of the past few days. So maybe putting some down here will cease the endless cycle going on.

It seems to be a popular idea I keep thinking that I'm reacting the wrong way for the wrong reasons. It's very strange, I think back about how I've been acting and for the life of me I cannot comprehend why exactly I acted the way I did. Yet at the time I'm pretty sure I felt justified for being that way. This is a big problem for me, always second guessing things that happen in my life. I wish I didn't, and every time I do, I try very hard to push it out of my mind. Maybe that'll change soon thanks to the wonder of modern medicine *sigh*. It really bothers me that I might hafta take some drug that affects my brain.

I often worry that my irrational mood swings are being harmful. Not to me (actually they prolly are), but to other mate and even to some extent friends I care about. Sometimes, no often I just want to know exactly why I act the way I do. Maybe I just have really bad people skills. Maybe I never learned how to react well. Maybe I never learned how to trust some, yeah that's probably it. It occurs to me now, that the way I lived my life for the last 10 years (minus since Muke) I never had to trust, nor did, nor put myself in a position where I had to. I lived a life alone away from people, not getting close to anyone. Oh yeah one more Maybe it's because I don't let myself get too close to people. It was about a year ago, in november when some yote narfed in my direction. Then Muke later on and I realized it felt really good to love someone and to be loved. Every day I feel so lucky... Sheesh I'm just going off on tangents everywhere. I guess that's kinda how my brain works.

So, hmm, that's rambling done with. We, Muke, Shade, and I went to go see National Treasure yesterday. I had fun, I thought it was a fun movie and I was entertained, even tho we had to sit in the second row. That's one thing that I really get upset about, but you know, I shouldn't except my back was sore. We tried to get a certain wolf to go along, but lately he seems to be very down and shut us out. I know Muke worries a lot, I worry too. I don't exactly know what to do tho, maybe he just needs some space.

Time is racing toward Thanksgiving, a time I'm dreading, but I doubt it'll be as bad as I'm expecting. doom. :p

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